This post was inspired by a mixture of events and questions, yet comes down to the same answer...
Just Be KIND!
A little while ago, I received an email asking me if I would be willing to do a post on Mean Mothers.
At first I thought the sender meant, Mummies who are mean to their kids...what she meant however, was Mummies who are mean to other Mummies!
This Sunny wanted some advice on how to deal with them...or rather, wanted to know what would I do in this situation?
Personally, I have never experienced this and don't think I ever will.
Not because there are no mean mums out there, its just I wonder how often women are actually being mean to other mummies, as opposed to being perceived to be?
As women, we are very good at hearing what is NOT being SAID.
Have you ever found yourself thinking 'oh she doesn't like me' or 'she is up herself'?
Perhaps saw a mum at the school who you THINK saw you, but didn't say hello.
Does your mind say 'She doesn't like you. You're not good enough for her'.
What if, SHE REALLY didn't see you!
What happens in our lives comes down to how we interpret particular situations.
Blaming others removes our power. We need to acknowledge and accept the part we play in circumstances in order to make them better.
Motherhood is a strange thing indeed.
I often think that we are all in the same boat, yet many of us are ready to throw one another overboard, or worse....ourselves.
Aren't we in this TOGETHER?
Hmmm not always :(
We mothers can be a pretty competitive bunch, negative too.
Ask the fly on the wall at a mothers group at any given time and you are sure to find at least one mummy comparing herself to another.
At least one more is judging another, silently or worse. And yet another is filled with guilt about not breastfeeding or co-sleeping because another made a nasty comment...
I worry that if WE can’t support one another in a positive way, then who can?
We are our own worst enemies and need to remind ourselves once and for all that we are.. Mothers collectively.
If you find yourself judging or making mean comments to, or about another Mummy, then stop. Just stop.
I used to be incredibly judgemental, so much so that I wore a rubber band around my wrist. Everytime I judged someone, or had a crticial thought, I would snap the band against my wrist.
I had to train myself firstly that I could think what I like, but can't always say what I like. Once I had stopped the words, next were the thoughts. I am not suggesting you should do this, but rather sharing that it worked for me.
It was a physical reminder to stop the critical thought process {it hurt} and understand that we will never fully know or understand what another person or mother in particular, is going through.
We need to try and remember to be open , honest and willing to accept our unique ways of mothering.
Attempt to deal with any feelings that may arise such as envy or judgement. If you do this, then you are limiting the problems you create for other people and yourself.
Each and every one of us has a story, a unique experience of motherhood and more importantly, we are all doing OUR best at any given time.
There is no other mother for our child; we are the BEST mother in the world for OUR child/ren. What anyone else thinks or says simply does not matter.
Give yourself permission to things YOUR way without fear of being judged or feeling inadequate, if you ever find yourself in that position.
I am curious to know how many of you have encountered mums being mean to other mums?
AS in, blatant, obvious, to your face, mean girl stuff?
If you have, then all I would say is this...
Be like Teflon and let is slide off.
Don't let this sort of behaviour affect you. Simply because it is THEIR stuff not yours and 99% of the time, it has nothing to do with you anyway. Almost always, it is about them and what they are dealing with internally.
Motherhood can be like a stage act sometimes and what you see on stage, is not what goes on backstage or in the dressing rooms {more on this in another post}.
Can't we just be REAL without fear of being judged, by others or ourselves.
If we keep kindness at the forefront of everything we do, then I am sure motherhood would be a better place for us all.
Stephanie Dowrick believes the rules for kindness are simple.
Listen with your mind. Speak from your heart. Be open, direct, encouraging.
BELIEVE in your capacity to affect others positively.
We are doing an amazing job and it’s about time you told yourself and other mothers too.
Just Be KIND ...to yourself, others and never underestimate your capacity to affect others for the better!
Keep Shining,
Stace x
