It's never to late...

Over the past few days I have been contacted by a few Mummies sharing their history with me about their childhoods and how it affects them at xmas in particular.

It got me thinking, perhaps there are many more of you feeling the same way? So I thought I would share how I overcame these feelings, from my personal point of view.

Obviously my thoughts and actions do not replace professional advice. I am merely sharing in the hope that it can help any of you, who may have bitter/sweet feelings about xmas...

Sweet because you love sharing it with your children, bitter because it may remind you of what you missed out on :(

Personally, by far the hardest thing to let go of was that 'ripped off' feeling. Ripped off that my Dad was not (and still is not) the father I expected him to be (or even just a slightly normal one).

I have chosen not to share my life with my Dad anymore. It is easier and less painful to not see him than to have to constantly negotiate stress and negative emotions, under his terms.

I want to encourage those of you who may have been through a rough time in your childhood and are still struggling with it at times, to remember this....

Whilst you can NEVER get your childhood back, you are in the midst of creating a wonderful one for your children and the CRAP has STOPPED with you!

You need to remind yourself whenever you have the negative emotions, that you can't change the past but it is never too late to have a happy childhood... albeit sharing one with your children.

Sometimes all you can do is take each moment as it comes, sit with the yukky, negative feelings and simply focus on replacing a bad thought with a good one.

Refuse to give your present power and energy, to the past.

I try to remember that hurt people...HURT PEOPLE and can be very good at noticing whats wrong. I WAS that person, so if you can relate. try to be just as good at noticing whats pleasing and good in your life...know that everything you have been through up until now, has made you who you are and YOU will only get better!

The fact that you are reading Sunny Mummy is not because I am anything special, I am just an ordinary Mummy who looks on the sunny side :) You are here because you want live brighter and know its ok to SHINE. Your family and motherhood in general, NEED you to SHINE. We ALL need help with this from time to time and I hope Sunny Mummy is doing that for you all.

From the messages I am receiving, it makes me extra sunny to know that you are all enjoying my blog, I am excited because I know there is lots more sunshine instore for the new year to keep us all on track.

On a personal note, I am undergoing some tests at the moment for a lump in my breast. I will be having a biopsy on New Years Eve...what a way to end 2009 :(
We are 99% sure it is just a cluster of cysts but we need to cover all bases...

Why am I telling you all this?

For NO other reason than to encourage you to CHECK YOUR BREASTS and look after yourself. Silly things do not matter, what matters is your health because without it, you have NOTHING.

We women are GREAT talkers but we need to share the not so good stuff as well. Talk about your down times as well as your up times. Talk about your miscarriages, your depression, your worries as well as your joys and blissful moments...you never know who is going through or has been through the same thing and you may be just the thing they needed at that time.

Women can be very judgemental of one another, especially mothers. We are our own worst enemies because we are all running around thinking other women have got it more together than us or aren't struggling the way we do...RUBBISH.

We all have different talents, strengths, abilities, wants and needs...

Lets spend this time LOVING WHO WE ARE, FORGETTING WHO WE WERE AND FOCUSSING ON WHO WE ARE BECOMING...Sunny Mummies keeping it real, supporting one another and keeping our faces to the sun so we don't see the shadows!

So on Christmas Eve and as 2009 comes to an end, I wish you all a SAFE, HAPPY but most of all HEALTHY festive season and 2010.


Keep Shining and THANKS for your support and encouragement....it truly means ALOT :)

oh and yes that is me in my first Santa photo :)

Stace x

PS Will be sure to let you all know how I go with the 'girls' ;)

Dear Mum & Dad...I've had enough!

***Before this post officially begins, I would like to thank each and every one of you that took the time to read my last post. Thank you also from the bottom of my heart for the lovely comments (OK I get it now, people are actually reading this ;) and for the many emails I received encouraging me and sharing your stories too.

If there is one message we all must remember from that post, it is that we are not alone in this life and especially motherhood. I am sending virtual hugs to those Sunny Mummies with stories similar to mine (minus the chainsaw wielding father I am told!)and thank those who had the type of childhood I desired, for realising how incredibly lucky you are to have those memories and for expressing your gratitude (I hope you rang your parents and told them too).

Keep talking, keep reading and keep sharing. This is the only way we can all appreciate one anothers journey and learn so many things. Each and every one of you are incredible women and I feel so blessed to be doing life with you! (OK this is the part at the awards where they start playing the music really loud and some glamorous looking person comes to gently (read GET OFF) guide you off stage!)***

OK let the real post begin hee hee

The title of this post came from a letter we received last night from our 7 1/2 (going on 30) yr old son.

After a day spent visiting relatives and popping into a couple of shops, our son felt that he was OVER the shops. In his little mind, YES he had been with us for the day but had we really BEEN with him?

Apparently not...

It's the old 'Quantity vs Quality' time.

What is QUALITY time exactly?

Is it when you are entirely focused on your child, doing something they want to do? If this is true, then how often would you say you do that with your kids? Go on, be honest....in an average day or even week, how often would you drop everything or even schedule it in, and do nothing but be in the moment playing with your child/ren?

Or is it more a matter of getting all the stuff we have to get done each day and the kids fitting into or around that? Yes we do have to get stuff done but how much in one day?

We need to stop and ask ourselves every so often if we are placing more value on producing and doing rather than nurturing and being.

Why are we so busy?

OK so it is nearly Christmas I hear you say, of course you are going to be busy.

Well yes but many people leave things to the last minute and create even more stress for themselves. Take a look at any shopping centre car park this week to confirm just how many people are doing their shopping at the last minute!

Why is this so? Too busy with work? Too tired? etc etc Yes these things are probably true but when are you NOT tired? Hmmm something to think about perhaps?

WHY are we so tired? Lack of exercise, lack of sleep, lack of nutritious food?
All of the above?

How many of us are keeping ourselves busy with WORK (paid work, housework, whatever work) so we won't have to face how we REALLY feel?

How many of you are busy doing everything for everyone else, so you don't have to STOP and think about your own feelings and what YOU want out of life?

Perhaps you know what you want but your too scared to go after it, or act on your feelings because you know it will result in some BIG changes. OR you have no idea what YOU want so keep yourself doing, doing, doing not very much at all...

Imagine then, how things must look from our children's perspective day in day out when they see us doing, doing, doing?

Judging from my son's letter, he felt over it enough to write to us...and yet he was with us ALL day...

Hmmm but in his mind he wasn't. He wasn't WITH us at all, he was merely a passenger on the 'GET DONE' bus we were driving that day :)

We need to be mindful of finding a balance between DOING and BEING. To be aware at this time of year more than ever, that kids don't really care about STUFF, they care about experiences, about BEING with us.

You know, hanging out, playing, having no agenda, no 'to-do' list....just BEING.

Of course our children have needs and desires just the same way we do and more often than not, they do not match. If we are really honest, sometimes we just don't want to be with our kids...YES I said it :) for whatever reason.

This is OK, kids need to know that we need time to ourselves to do things we want to do. However, we also need to spend time with them doing what they want to do and actually BE with them, as opposed to on the phone, facebook or replying to an email quickly (I am guilty as charged on the email front)!

If I ask my kids what they got for Christmas last year, they wouldn't remember.
Ask them what they did or where they went though and they can tell you in graphic detail how we went to Forster on holiday and all the little, simple things we did together each day.

It has been said that when you are a parent "the days are looooong but the years are quick".

At Christmas and always, lets make sure we remember to value people not things... The one thing your money or your credit card can't buy you, is the years back that went too quick!

The rising of Sunny Mummy

This is for those of you who are curious about who I am, what I have been through and most importantly how Sunny Mummy came to be. What follows is a LOOOOOONG story cut as short as humanly possible for me :) I wholeheartedly believe in keeping it real, so what your about to read is an open and honest and very real account of my life thus far. As Miley says "Its all about the climb and the view is awesome"(or something like that!)


The Ball is in your court...

How many times have you heard that phrase?

How many times have you caught a ball thrown at you that has nothing to do with you?

By ball I mean...stuff, drama, issues etc

Let me tell you, I not only used to catch the balls thrown at me, I was the idiot calling out "throw it to me, throw it to me"!

I wanted to help, to fix things, for people to like me but I only ended up sick and exhausted from trying to help everyone and being involved in DRAMA!


At only 31 yrs old, I have had my share of experiences (read DRAMA). I have moved 25 times in 31 yrs (read my previous post and you will know why), changed schools 17 times, have had 2 serious boyfriends (the 1st one more in love with his bong than me, the 2nd one I married), and have suffered/experienced 5 miscarriages.

Becoming a mother the day before my 24th birthday opened the can of worms I had been trying to keep closed...

I thought I was OK with the issues from my childhood, OK so my Dad pulled a chainsaw out to attack my mum in front of us, but other kids have seen worse haven’t they?

What I didn’t realise back then was that I had spent, and would continue to spend my entire twenties trying to prove to everyone else that I was OK, normal and not the girl with the crazy father who stored drugs in her bedroom when she was a child.

By the time I was 27 I had been married for 6 yrs, had a lovely home and both a healthy boy and a girl! To the outside world I was doing great. Inside I wanted to grow a flavour savour, drive out to Condobolin and sing “What about me?” on the back of a Ute. ..It isn’t fair I thought (OK think Shannon Noll here if you totally didn’t get this part!) I have missed a complete life stage...my twenties!

While my friends were still living at home and studying, climbing the corporate ladder or travelling; I was experiencing marriage, mortgage and miscarriages!

I had been so unsettled as a child and grew up so quickly dealing with everyone else’s STUFF that I simply craved the secure family life I never had. So I moved out of home at 18 with my 2nd serious boyfriend and married him at 21. Thankfully I hit the jackpot and married a thorough gentleman who is an amazing and dedicated husband and father.

We will celebrate 10 yrs marriage in March :)

However, it has not been easy as I had some seriously ingrained habits ( note: NOT drug habits, although with the speedy manner in which I used to do things, one would not be at fault for assuming I was on drugs!) combined with an endless need to prove myself that I ended up in counselling.

Having counselling was like pulling up with a van full of STUFF and after each session; I would take a bag out and leave it behind. My load got lighter each time...

I eventually realised that whilst I can never get my twenties back, I can look after myself first in order to look after my family best. Being a mother is such an overwhelming job at times, I felt ripped off that I didn’t have memories of some Contiki tour to get me through.

However we all have a choice. If we continually worry or have drama in our lives, we have no energy left to recognise all the good in it... OK so I didn’t get to go on Contiki, that’s OK, I am more of an Insight over 50’s style girl anyway ;)

As a result...This Sunny Mummy was born and a desire (OK it is bordering on obsession) to inspire, motivate and support mothers to look after themselves first in order to create happier lives and families with it....

So far so good, alot of Mummies have chosen to be Sunny over Yummy (great news is that when you are Sunny you automatically are yummy anyway so win win if you ask me ;) and I am over the moon that by sharing my struggles and how I overcame them, can help even just 1 other Mama...

After 3 decades of drama and STUFF, I have finally learnt that just because someone throws a ball at me, it doesn't mean I have to catch it. The phone ringing doesn't mean I have to answer it, the email alert sounding doesn’t mean I have to read it (ok admittedly I still struggle with this one so ‘Chunk Checking’ is another post of its own)

In the same way...we do not have to take on other peoples STUFF nor do we have to hold onto our OWN!

We’re all in this motherhood thing together, the sooner we rid motherhood of negativity and focus on supporting and encouraging one another, the sooner society will stop reinforcing that we SHOULD be looking only for the blue in the sky and instead appreciate the beauty of the clouds.

If we never have clouds in our life, how can we appreciate the sunshine?

My message is simple, this a time in your life you should be cherishing and enjoying. You will have CRAP days and we have all been through stuff.

No matter what you may have been or may be going through...decide NOW to lighten your load and carry ONLY your stuff....the ball is in your court and it is essential that you look after your children's Mummy!

Endnote:

*If you have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, domestic violence... you are not alone. There is always someone worse off than you but as I have now learnt, it is OK to acknowledge that you have suffered some pretty crappy stuff too. If you feel are not coping or simply need some help in dealing with your STUFF then please contact me at stacey@sunnymummy.com.au and I would be more than happy to point you in the right direction.

*To my own Sunny Mummy...sorry about this post, I know it would have made you cry, remember though... I have my share of the sunshine now and it has dried up all my rain...LOVE YOU!

Upside down or downside UP?

We all know and use the term UPSIDE DOWN.

'Arghhh the house is UPSIDE DOWN, my life has been turned UPSIDE DOWN'...

What about 'I don't know if I am COMING or GOING? Arthur or Martha?' OK you get the idea :) What do all these phrases have in common?

They focus on all the things going WRONG in your life. We have become so conditioned to using negative language, admitting how confused, tired, stressed, angry or upset we are...that we fail to remember that we have a choice, an OPPOSITE!

To feel great, to think great and to affect the people that we have in our lives everyday and those who come in randomly whom we may never see again.

Imagine that, you ask someone how they are and they say GREAT! AWESOME! NEVER BEEN BETTER! Whats more, they actually feel that way...or do they?

Ever heard of FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT? Think it, even when you don't feel it and pretty soon you will...

I am not encouraging you to go around pretending things are OK when they are not, in fact quite the opposite, I believe wholeheartedly in KEEPING IT REAL! Meaning what you SAY and SAYING what you mean.

However there are many instances day in day out where things are not as bad as you have let them seem. Never underestimate the power of your mind and your tongue. It can uplift people and encourage them to soar to places they have never been or it can cut them down like a knife.

What you may or may not realise is that it is doing the same for you!

Out of the heart, the mouth speaks. What you focus on, you become, you are who your HANG around! What comes out of your mouth more often? Positive, uplifting words or blades just waiting to cut someone else down and you with them?


You can make up your mind RIGHT NOW as your reading this to watch what comes OUT of your mouth and what goes INTO your head.

Even if you begin to answer in a negative way..STOP! Midsentence? Yes! You can either explain or not, but make no mistake... you write your own script in life.

Do you want your life to be UP or DOWN? Its OK to have some DOWN, everybody does. If your genuinely DOWN all the time, then you need to see your doctor.

However, if you know you have allowed yourself to get in a rut or are so busy looking for what is missing in your life that you can't see what you've already found, then it's time to turn your thinking and your life downside UP!

Commit NOW, TODAY... to STOP letting negative words come out of your mouth. You will still THINK them, just stop them at your lips....we'll deal with THINKING them later!

Important Note: You may be visiting for the 1st time or a regular SM reader. Either way, you have the opportunity to be a part of history! To contribute towards building a FREE site for mums by mums. A place to visit where the sun is always shining, where you can get help, encouragement and motivation to SHINE.

If you would like to be a part of this shining community of like minded women whilst helping other mums SEE that motherhood is not a stage to be hurried through, then please email staceysullaphen@bigpond.com for details on how you can make a donation and receive a gorgeous poster in return for your support!

Keep Shining x