Survive or Thrive?

This Sunny Mummy just moved...AGAIN.

Those who know me personally, know I have moved ALOT. No... ALOT doesnt seem to accurately describe moving house 25 times in 31 yrs.

Yes, you read correctly, 25 times in 31 yrs, ok close your mouth now :)

I wish I could say my Dad was in the Army or something respectful like that to justify all the moves in my childhood but unfortunately our moves were a result of trying to get away from my physically and mentally abusive father who was both alcohol and drug dependent.

The moves made during my twenties were simply me trying to get away from facing my um, well issues that I never knew I had from experiencing such a childhood...however someone once said "Wherever you go, there you are". How true indeed and eventually I had to stop running and start facing what was going on for me.

My recent move has been my best move yet and for all the right reasons. I have dealt with the issues, which I wont go into here because A) it would take too long and B) I feel it deserves a seperate post because there any many mummies (and others of course) running from themselves and I want to encourage you to stop by sharing my story.

Anyway, back to what this post was supposed to be about... life is not about merely surviving each stage. Sure, sometimes in certain situations SURVIVING is really all you can do at the time. What happens though, if you are going through life merely surviving each day or stage?

There are many many buzz words and phrases now about life being a journey or a climb or whatever. All of them are true and depending on our mood at the time, it can motivate us or go in one ear and out the other.

However, even when it does motivate us into action, the action is usually short lived as we kick back into survival mode and dealing with the next incident, crisis or issue.

Do you know some people just go on complaining for days and days which turn into weeks then months then years and before they know it they SURVIVED their life!

Do you REALLY want to get to the end of your life and feel as though you survived it?

Margaret Lee Runbeck (writer) once said "Happiness in not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling".

If you think of life as a journey and your on a train heading to a destination but with lots of STOPS (stages) along the way, right now your at Motherhood station.

You may have just arrived and can't find the rest rooms because you are still foggy and in shock at how utterly exhausting this stage seems or you may have been here for a while already and know where the rest rooms are but have never really taken the time to have a look around and see what this station has to offer because you are too busy complaining about having to stop here or all the WORK you have to do!

(What is all this WORK we do anyway? There is paid work, housework, kidwork, homework and for many mums 'manwork' (yes we have all been there, where our husbands or partners become just another thing on our 'TO DO' list ;)etc etc

Why are we always so hard at WORK?

Isn't it time we asked ourselves in which manner are we traveling? Surving or thriving in each stage?

I know I can say I SURVIVED childhood station. I have the choice to look at back at that 'stop' and be sad or bitter about what I 'experienced' or 'missed' out on OR I can choose to use my time as a survivor at that station to remind me to THRIVE at each and every station from now on....

Mummycentral is a BIG conflicting station....crowded, busy, often dirty (and smelly) and certainly hard to get around. However it has lots of places to see and things to do. Best of all, there are so many choices for which 'direction' you will take from here, it really is the best station to be at!

In which manner are you traveling? Which train will you hop on from here?

We all go off the rails every now and again.. thats completely normal and totally OK.

If we all climb aboard THRIVE, we will always be on the right track! Whats more... it's leaving NOW and there is room for us all...do hop on, the ride is sooooo much more enjoyable TOGETHER!

Do as I say.. not as I do!

My husband worked from home today...GREAT! Actually NOT! The routine got totally disrupted and I seemed to want help with things I normally handle, just because he was home...

Do any of you SM's out there have a husband that works from home full time? Please tell me how you do it?

I love my husband but I really don't think I could handle him being around all day everyday as it would disrupt our routine too much....every family is different but we know our roles and responsibilities and it works (most of the time).

One thing my husband does take responsibility for most nights is the kids shower routine. Except today, seeing as he was home, I felt the showers could happen earlier and spent a good hour asking him to get our son in the shower.

I received various responses.."In a minute, I'll just finish this, Hang on, ok I'm coming blah blah blah" So.. our son is listening to all this whilst watching TV (I was cooking dinner with my daughter helping) and then all of a sudden my husband hops up and says "Ok shower time...NOW"

Our son replied with "Can I just...." and doesn't even get to finish before my husband again says "NOW" only this time he is shouting and sounding very angry :(

Now don't get me wrong, I am guilty of this myself, however it is always easier to see where others go wrong yet so hard to identify and then accept the same behaviours in ourselves.

What happened tonight just screamed a classic example of Do as I SAY, not as I DO!

Not only was I surprised by my husbands demand and feeling sorry for my little man...I also immediately felt inspired to write this post.

We certainly try our best like most other parents each day and aim to give the 5 minute warning before transitioning between tasks but why do adults sometimes do this to kids?

We feel its ok to say "hang on or in a minute" because we're doing something important to us yet at times we expect them to drop everything and do what we ask them to! Do we beleive what they are doing is not important? It might not be to us...but to them it is. Do we believe they should just fall into line and do as we say all the time, any time? I am not sure what it is....

I know right now we are under a little stress with coordinating a BIG move and my husband is tired from long long days commuting however is this a reason or an excuse?

Sometimes, I feel like my husband and I should be giving each other time outs to ask ourselves if we could have handled a situation better or differently...the way we do to our kids pretty often!

So is it really that hard to teach by example? To do as we want our kids to do? Do you think as parents we could take a leaf out of our own books and practice what we preach?

Sure we need to be responsible, productive adults and parents but at what cost? Sometimes we get so busy thinking about all we HAVE to do that we EXPECT our kids to understand our schedule and demands on our time...

I am not saying we should ignore our responsibilities in life and cater to every whim of our children. What I am saying is that we need to be aware of walking the talk. It can be hard to do but any change worth keeping is worth the effort.

Much of how we deal with our kids comes from our childhood. The important thing is when these type of situations occur, we don't beat ourselves up but we acknowledge we could have handled things differently and then try to make our next interaction with our kids a positive one.

I absolutely love a good quote and I think this one by C.G Jung sums up tonights message perfectly...


“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” - C.G. Jung

LOVING our routine!

I love routine, when I follow one..our house ROCKS. Everything is calm and all is well in the world (well our world anyway). Why then, does inconsistency rear its ugly head and take my routine with it?

Sure life can get in the way...illness,visitors etc but I'm not talking about that stuff. I am talking about the fact that I KNOW following a routine works and yet I seem to go great for a period of time...and then I let the wheels fall off!

Well I am pretty pleased to say that since our house became the proud owners of various Magnetic Charts from Little Billies....the wheels are still on and we keep on movin in the right direction!

Now the purpose of this blog is not to write about products trying to convince you to buy them. However, as a Mummy who strives to have a calm and organised household I MUST TELL YOU ABOUT THESE CHARTS!

We have the 'Morning and Evening' routine charts. The 'My Week' chart and a 'Reward Chart' for each child. The kids are loving it, I am loving it and best of all things just flow smoothly in our house now because at any given time the kids can look at where they are supposed to be at in their routine.

Check out the pic of my fridge above...I have tried in the past to make my own cardboard routine chart but it never quite worked. 1: It didn't look as pretty as my LB Charts. 2: The kids couldn't interact with the chart they way they do with these ones and 3: every time there was a change in routine...the perfectionist in me had to make a whole new chart (yes I was the kid at school who ripped out the whole page and start again if my writing wasn't up to my standards :)!

With the magnetic charts, you simply swap the magnets whenever there is a change..quick, simple, LOOKS great! There is seriously a magnet for EVERYTHING you can think of...I challenge you to find one that Sarah from Little Billies hasn't already thought of and if you do....I am sure she would make one ;)

Now I have already said I love a good routine and we all know how much the kids benefit. With these charts the kids very much feel a part of the process. What I love the most though is the the various behaviours and values our charts are reinforcing.

We all know positive praise works well but I am loving the fact that when my 4 yr old speaks nicely (NOT speaking nicely is something we have been challenged with lately)I can simply say "You have been speaking so nicely today, grab your 'Speaking nicely' magnet and pop it on your chart"! If she slips up as we all do...all it takes is a quick reminder that she will not get or will lose her magnet and all is well again...no more Mummy 'not speaking nicely' because my daughter is 'not speaking nicely' VICIOUS CIRCLE and I am sure you know what I mean :)

So, if things are working fine in your house, GREAT.. keep on doin what your doin! However if you could use a gorgeous visual reminder for you and your littlies (not to mention babysitters who can easily follow your routine) then get onto the Little Billies website www.littlebillies.net.au and place your order (oh did I mention they are personalised, my kids LOVE that they have their names on it!).

I have placed a button on my blog promoting Little Billies because I am using their products and LOVE them....I will only ever do this with businesses I have tried and thoroughly recommend (as is with 'Style Me Gorgeous' who designed this blog, there is no-one else I would use)

So our wheels are still on but I have a feeling they MAY fall off for a little while whilst this Sunny Mummy moves to a new house, in a new region (so if I seem as though I have fallen off the face of the earth for a little while, I am simply OFFLINE and moving)!

So whilst we will TRY our best to stick to our routine...sometimes you just gotta accept that during times such as moving house...you take your wheels off for a little while and then simply arrange a wheel alignment once everything and everyone is back on track!

Anyone wanna SWAP?

This morning my husband had a sip of my cup of tea. This prompted our 4 yr old daughter to inform her father that he cannot share my cup because he would turn into me! HA "I wish" I replied followed by a "Bring it on" from my husband.

Of course the kids quickly asked why would we want to swap? Well obviously so we could prove that each had it tougher than the other!

It got me thinking, who does have it tougher in our house...is it my husband who wakes at 5am, leaves by 5.30, drives for 2 hrs to work, works all day, drives 2hrs home, then works again on his laptop for another couple of hours?

Or is it me, who wakes up at 5am to see him off followed by all the things a mum and mumpreneur does each day?

The kids were more than willing to give their view on what each of us would do if we swapped and of course this is what they see:

"MUM, if you become Dad, you have to leave really early, drive very far, talk on the phone all day and then come home and be VERY VERY tired!... Oh and you would have to drive Dads work car".....IMAGINE THAT!

Ha "too easy" I said, "Imagine being able to wake up, just get yourself ready, talk to adults all day, eat lunch on time and then come home to dinner on the table!"
Sip some more my love.....

Hmmm but then came their description to Dad of a day in the life of Mum...

"DAD, if you became Mum, you have to get breakfast, make beds, make lunches, wash up, iron uniforms, vacuum, hang washing, bake afternoon tea, play with us" and...wait for it "BE ON THE COMPUTER ALL DAY!"

Oh no, with all I do every day (and they did a pretty good job of describing) the part emphasised the most was BE ON THE COMPUTER ALL DAY!

Of course I do use my laptop alot each day but I would certainly not say I was on it ALL day, yet in my daughters eyes it didn't matter. What stands out in her mind is that quite often when she asks me something or wants me to play, I can be found on my laptop....even if it was literally for one minute to reply to an email.

In fact as I write this, my daughter is asking me to come out the back and find things to shade (remember that? when you got leaves or coins and placed paper over it to shade over in lead pencil...love the simple things!)but because I am IN THE ZONE :) of writing (and when Stacey's in her zone...leave her alone!), I tell her to hang on a minute....her reply "You always say that and you take LONG!"

So whilst I could write soooo much more on this, I will leave you now on this note...

If perception is reality, perhaps as parents we need to ask ourselves a little more often how our kiddies are PERCEIVING what is going on in our homes? Time on the computer, adult discussions, responses to them that do nothing but reinforce your not REALLY listening....guilty as charged of all of the above :(

I know this mornings conversation has reminded me that we can all fall off the wagon and my routine once again needs tweaking.

Even though I know I am NOT on the laptop ALL DAY, in the eyes of my 4 yr old....it may as well be glued to my fingers and I don't want to wake up to discover that she is suddenly 14 and surgically attached to hers, with no time for her Mum!

I am off to do some shading :) why not share with us whats happening in your home that needs tweaking...chances are we are all experiencing the same thing!

PS I sooooo don't want to swap with my husband, I just let him THINK I do ;)