Thursday, December 10, 2009
The rising of Sunny Mummy
This is for those of you who are curious about who I am, what I have been through and most importantly how Sunny Mummy came to be. What follows is a LOOOOOONG story cut as short as humanly possible for me :) I wholeheartedly believe in keeping it real, so what your about to read is an open and honest and very real account of my life thus far. As Miley says "Its all about the climb and the view is awesome"(or something like that!)
The Ball is in your court...
How many times have you heard that phrase?
How many times have you caught a ball thrown at you that has nothing to do with you?
By ball I mean...stuff, drama, issues etc
Let me tell you, I not only used to catch the balls thrown at me, I was the idiot calling out "throw it to me, throw it to me"!
I wanted to help, to fix things, for people to like me but I only ended up sick and exhausted from trying to help everyone and being involved in DRAMA!
At only 31 yrs old, I have had my share of experiences (read DRAMA). I have moved 25 times in 31 yrs (read my previous post and you will know why), changed schools 17 times, have had 2 serious boyfriends (the 1st one more in love with his bong than me, the 2nd one I married), and have suffered/experienced 5 miscarriages.
Becoming a mother the day before my 24th birthday opened the can of worms I had been trying to keep closed...
I thought I was OK with the issues from my childhood, OK so my Dad pulled a chainsaw out to attack my mum in front of us, but other kids have seen worse haven’t they?
What I didn’t realise back then was that I had spent, and would continue to spend my entire twenties trying to prove to everyone else that I was OK, normal and not the girl with the crazy father who stored drugs in her bedroom when she was a child.
By the time I was 27 I had been married for 6 yrs, had a lovely home and both a healthy boy and a girl! To the outside world I was doing great. Inside I wanted to grow a flavour savour, drive out to Condobolin and sing “What about me?” on the back of a Ute. ..It isn’t fair I thought (OK think Shannon Noll here if you totally didn’t get this part!) I have missed a complete life stage...my twenties!
While my friends were still living at home and studying, climbing the corporate ladder or travelling; I was experiencing marriage, mortgage and miscarriages!
I had been so unsettled as a child and grew up so quickly dealing with everyone else’s STUFF that I simply craved the secure family life I never had. So I moved out of home at 18 with my 2nd serious boyfriend and married him at 21. Thankfully I hit the jackpot and married a thorough gentleman who is an amazing and dedicated husband and father.
We will celebrate 10 yrs marriage in March :)
However, it has not been easy as I had some seriously ingrained habits ( note: NOT drug habits, although with the speedy manner in which I used to do things, one would not be at fault for assuming I was on drugs!) combined with an endless need to prove myself that I ended up in counselling.
Having counselling was like pulling up with a van full of STUFF and after each session; I would take a bag out and leave it behind. My load got lighter each time...
I eventually realised that whilst I can never get my twenties back, I can look after myself first in order to look after my family best. Being a mother is such an overwhelming job at times, I felt ripped off that I didn’t have memories of some Contiki tour to get me through.
However we all have a choice. If we continually worry or have drama in our lives, we have no energy left to recognise all the good in it... OK so I didn’t get to go on Contiki, that’s OK, I am more of an Insight over 50’s style girl anyway ;)
As a result...This Sunny Mummy was born and a desire (OK it is bordering on obsession) to inspire, motivate and support mothers to look after themselves first in order to create happier lives and families with it....
So far so good, alot of Mummies have chosen to be Sunny over Yummy (great news is that when you are Sunny you automatically are yummy anyway so win win if you ask me ;) and I am over the moon that by sharing my struggles and how I overcame them, can help even just 1 other Mama...
After 3 decades of drama and STUFF, I have finally learnt that just because someone throws a ball at me, it doesn't mean I have to catch it. The phone ringing doesn't mean I have to answer it, the email alert sounding doesn’t mean I have to read it (ok admittedly I still struggle with this one so ‘Chunk Checking’ is another post of its own)
In the same way...we do not have to take on other peoples STUFF nor do we have to hold onto our OWN!
We’re all in this motherhood thing together, the sooner we rid motherhood of negativity and focus on supporting and encouraging one another, the sooner society will stop reinforcing that we SHOULD be looking only for the blue in the sky and instead appreciate the beauty of the clouds.
If we never have clouds in our life, how can we appreciate the sunshine?
My message is simple, this a time in your life you should be cherishing and enjoying. You will have CRAP days and we have all been through stuff.
No matter what you may have been or may be going through...decide NOW to lighten your load and carry ONLY your stuff....the ball is in your court and it is essential that you look after your children's Mummy!
*If you have experienced miscarriage, stillbirth, domestic violence... you are not alone. There is always someone worse off than you but as I have now learnt, it is OK to acknowledge that you have suffered some pretty crappy stuff too. If you feel are not coping or simply need some help in dealing with your STUFF then please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I would be more than happy to point you in the right direction.
*To my own Sunny Mummy...sorry about this post, I know it would have made you cry, remember though... I have my share of the sunshine now and it has dried up all my rain...LOVE YOU!